回來美國囉~

回到美國兩個多星期了
感覺好棒
自由自主的感覺
能夠和朋友鄰居的相聚敘舊
每天短褲T恤拖鞋輕鬆出門
不會有人把我當成"阿姨"對待
不會看到路上有人吐痰或尿尿
過馬路也不用擔心車不讓你
也不用提防店員冷不防的惡劣態度

日日藍天白雲綠樹清風
呼吸百分百全方位的自由與輕鬆感
啊!真有點不想回上海了
嘻嘻
給果爸知道的話他會很緊張
我也是很想念果果的
雖然這兩星期來天天都是100F的酷熱天
不過這種乾熱比上海的大蒸籠好受的多

忙著在有限時間內把房子內外小小整修一番
每天三顧home improvement stores
買貨搬貨退貨
跟contractors討價還價
忙著在短時間內做各種顏色尺寸樣式的決定
發現remodeling也不是很好玩
新點子與後悔感隨時交錯出現
when reality kicks in, 真的很多時候就隨便它而不再堅持理想跟自己過不去了
感謝有朋友們的協助
不然很多瑣事靠我自已一人是完成不了的
他們的幫忙非常重要
當然更感謝老公辛苦上班賺錢
希望最終展現的成果是值得的

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Toy, toy, more toy....

We never track down how much money we have spent on Squarky's toys in the past years since we brought him home. If we ever did, I believe it would be an unbelievable horrifying number
So I am glad we never track

There is also another number which I am glad we never track
It is the number of the toys that Squarky has terminated, or , more correctly, "digested".
If we ever did, I believe Squarky would have been crowned "K9-Hannibal" and we were supposed to be on the run with him from FBI's hunt down right now.

The number One type of toy that Squarky insanely obsesses with is squeaky stuffed animal.

This picture, which was taken in June year 2003, three months after we brought him home, shows the very first "funeral" I held for the very first group of these "casualties". After that, no funerals could be possibily held as Squarky had advanced to "digest" most of these victims

From then, Squarky's digestive adventure started to take off. Fabric, plastic, rubber.... all have had appeared in his poop. Not that I intend to boost and encourage this. This was something that had happened.

After the surgery ordeal this year, we set out an iron fist to remove toys that don't resist his love bites and set a clear boundry as to what toys he can keep in his toy box to play freely whenever he wants and what toys are kept away and only get to play under our close supervision. We are glad that Squarky seems to content with the new rule .

The toy shown in the center is called "Bad Cuz" made by JW Pet company. Bad Cuz with the fido football on the right are the new additions to Squarky's toy collections. Squarky loves these two toys. The pink tennis-size ball on the left is to contrast the size of Bad Cuz and the fido football. And yes, Bad Cuz and the fido football are both super sized and Squarky likes this way.

JW Pet company does make good fido toys that are fun and tough. So far, their toys remain indestructible from Squarky's point of view.

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Let's cool off in Shanghai style

The other night, Tim suggested that we go for a walk along the Bund after dinner.

It is said that a river gives life to a city. Huangpu river is the life water to Shanghai. It is the largest river in Shanghai which divides the metropolis into two regions - westside (Puxi) and eastside (Pudong). "The Bund" is then a common name used to call the area along the western bank of Huangpu river. It is one of the must-see tourist destination in Shanghai where many historical buildings built from the "International Settlement" era dated back 19th century were preserved.

(Buildings along the Bund feature a variety of architectural styles - Gothic, Art-Deco, Baroque... you name it!)

Why not, I said. All it took was a fairly short walk to the ferry terminal and there we were, the hustling, bustling Bund, in just about 10 minutes or so. What a luxury to live where we live.

The Bund was full of all kinds of activites in spite of it wasn't a weekend night. While we strolled through scattered crowd, we came to spot this - a few men stood idly and threw relaxedly a "spare tire" show. This fashion is a popular men's way to cool off in any steaming, sticky hot day or night around the city. Although, it wasn't the first time we see this for somehow, the scene looked intensively hilarious that night.

So we took this picture (the mane right behind Tim was also doing it). Sorry, gentlemen! By the wa, I just figure out that we can click on the picture to get larger view. Tim said this is something he may think about to try at least once before we move away. I am not sure if he dare to try. Yet, he has found an good excuse to pump up his "spare tire" with more potato chips. Hahahaha!

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Delivery Service

One of the great luxuries of living in Shanghai is that many things can be delivered to your home.
As we don't have a driver, this kind of door-to-door delivery service, which is relatively affordable or even is free, become very helpful.

The kind of delivery service we use the most on a daily basis is the "grocery delivery". Luckily we are in Shanghai now that buying foreign ingredients is no longer a pain. I heard that it was very different only five years ago. City Shop and Marché are the two grocery stores I like shopping at the most simply because they offer good selection of imported/foreign ingredients and good service.

City Shop is the major western food chain grocery store in Shanghai who's target customers are expats. The store offers free delivery for purchase over RMB 100 (about US$15). We can order by phone, email or fax, or drop by the store. Although our apartment is within walking distance to a City Shop, the delivery service comes in handy when I have to shop a lot or when it is bad weather or when I am just not in a mood to go out.
City Shop Website

I didn't know about Marché until I talked to my Japanese neighbor friend. Marché is a Japanese chain grocery in Shanghai who's target customer group is Japanese community. The store offers free delivery for purchase over RMB 100 to the area we live, for purchase over RMB 50 if you live closer to their Pu Dong store in Xianmei Garden. I like Marché for its clear ordering cut-off time and punctual delivery schedule.

(grocey I ordered by phone delivered from Marché)

Marché Pu Dong store: 1F No.4, Mei-Hua road, Xianmei Garden
021-50595316 (Mandarin speaking)
13918761347 (Japanese speaking)

SHERPA is a food deliver service that we like to use when needed. It delivers food for you from 172 restaurants throughout Shanghai. The service charge is based on where you live and where the restaurant is which is relatively affordable. You can order your meal by phone or online.
They try to put out the most updated menus of each restaurants online for you to browse which is very convenient
Sherpa website

Recently, I bought a few big pots of plants from a street vendor. The vendor who appeared to be 50-something rode his rickshaw for a good distance to deliver those pots to our apartment without any additional charge. I felt humble and a bit uneasey when I was standing aside to have this idle luxury watching this guy help to put all the pots in position around the apartment with dripping sweat wet him all over from the laboring. This experience reminded me of the living in the US. As paying labor cost in the US is sort like paying for an luxury item. I have been trained and became a Do-it-Yourself super woman during these years I lived there. With a car, a spacious living environment, and my hands, I seem to be able to bring even an elephant home by myself. In Shanghai, the rules of game are different.

Although, I often miss the "luxury" I had back in the US - driving my own car to take care of things by myself - the luxury of freedom on a personal level in every tiny bit of daily life activity. And I know we are and will still be a do-it-yourself kind of people. For now, the menu is different and we are offered with all kinds of "only-in-Shanghai luxury" on the plate. So why not trying to have a good appetitie to chow down every piece!

(27th April 2009 - I recently found out another useful delivery service to me. Chun Store 佳思多, a Taiwanese owned store, has opened a new outlet close to Lujiazui area and they deliver too. Their phone number 54867843 or 51387072

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Happy 4th July

I was a little disappointed when I found out that Tim needs to work on the 4th July. He has to follow company's local rules in terms of holiday schedule.

Whith nothing to get excited about, I decided to head out to IKEA to pick up some little things. I called Tim from IKEA around noonish to report to him that I saw a chair very similar to the one we just bought from the Staples (yes, Staples is here!) but is much more expensive.

Before hung up, I casually asked with no expectation in mind that when he planned to come home.
"I am leaving soon!" he said plainly as usual.
"What? why don't you tell me this morning so that I wouldn't go out." I complained a little since IKEA is a little bit far
"OK, I am coming home soon, too" I said
I quickly finished my business and hopped in a taxi to head home
By the way, that day, I paid total around RMB 90 for taxi to go back and forth IKEA to buy RMB 40 stuffs
Am I ridiculous or what?

Even with everyone reported in, we didn't end up with any magnificent plan. The humidity in the air drags people down. This was what we ended up with - a cuddly comfy, quiet, long, long family nap at home

Squarky happily curled up beside the bed and joined the family nap with babylike groans, sleep-talkings and a few his signature silent-but-deadly fart. We just love it! Ha!

That night we decided to, at least, eat something "4th July"
We decided to explore a newly opened street mall area nearby
We found "Johnny Moo", a retro style American dinner serves hamburger, milkshake, fries...
They have a TV playing all kinds of amusingly cheesy 80's musical videos




The place is brand new and the food is surprisingly not disappointing - at least burgers were juicy, not dried out and the nilkshake is thick. Burgers, milkshakes and fries... food that give you instant heartburns is what we need on this special day. As for veggies? I can wait for tomorrow. :)

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特別的國慶日-兩岸直航

今天是美國國慶日
在上海怎麼慶祝呢?
就是全家三口吹冷氣睡了一頓飽飽的午覺
很頹廢吧
呵呵
全世界目前似乎瀰漫著一股anti-American sentiment
美國佬們還是低調一點比較好
今天亦是兩岸直航的歷史一刻
內心興奮也百感交集
這是1949年國共內戰至今的最重大突破
可惜父親早些往生
未能目睹參予這項改變
我對兩岸直航持支持的態度
但同時亦有憂慮之處
恰巧讀到漢聲雜誌黃永松先生的見解與建議
吾心有戚戚焉
欣慰台灣仍有一群有心的文化人
持續耕耘發展台灣的優美
茲將該文摘錄如下
願台灣更好更大器
台灣加油!

迎陸客》黃永松：用熱情誠懇 補景點不足

聯合報╱記者陳宛茜

開放陸客觀光，將是台灣地區文明發展的一次重大契機。隨著大批觀光客的到來，我們有機會和來自大江南北的對岸友人接觸、發展深厚情誼。台灣人將因此增長見識，不再是井底之蛙。這是除了商機，開放陸客觀光帶來的文化利多。
待客之道，舉世皆然；大陸觀光客和國際觀光客都是客人，我們其實不需另眼相看。不過台灣過去並非觀光熱點，這可能是島內有史以來最大的一股觀光潮。台灣可以趁著這次當「主人」的難得機會，重新反省自己、反思台灣文化。
我認為台灣文化的缺點是太物質化、功利、快速，有沒有可能藉這次「打開大門」的機會，從別人眼中看到自己的缺點，因此改善？
比起世界大國，台灣歷史尚短，景點深度難免不足。但台灣文化最大的特色是熱情與誠懇；在向對岸友人介紹景點時，讓我們用熱情和誠懇補足景點內容的不足。
一九四九年兩岸斷裂之後，兩岸人民再度相連，難免會碰觸敏感的政治問題。身為主人請避免比較、批判，不要將自己的價值觀強加別人之上。盡量避免陷入政治的題目中，把問題拉回生活面。
比方提到兩蔣，可把話題轉到他們帶來的台灣眷村生活。介紹眷村融合大江南北和台灣小調的菜肴（如牛肉麵），是如何豐富台灣的常民小吃。帶他們吃吃看，讓他們嘗到中國文化如何在台灣結出風味不同的果實，讓生活的豐富度融化政治的劍拔弩張。
就把他們這趟「觀光」當作「探親」之旅。請放下台灣人／大陸人成見，用迎接親人的角度來迎接這些跟我們同源的兄弟姊妹。
【2008/07/04 聯合報】

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女人何苦為難女人

最近生活節奏起起伏伏的
本不打算暑假回美國的計畫
在老公大人提議下
全打亂了
不過這項突變
對我而言類似絕境逢生處
也許比喻的有些誇張
但在心境上卻是如此
我可以趁機回美國喘息一下
避開一些無奈的難堪

認識我們的家人朋友都知道我和果爸不是不想生
而是在求子路上我們總是少了一點luck
不孕治療的過程我們不是沒有打落牙齒和血吞的走過
認養孩子的念頭也一直在腦中盤旋未曾中斷
經歷過不孕的人都知道
不孕是一種很 intimate的hidden pain
內中有些苦真的只能在自己和配偶兩人關起房門後
互相抱頭痛哭才能被釋放理解
這隱私痛處有權不被拿來檢討消費
我們從未選擇不孕
而不孕卻選擇了我們
結婚七年來
我們多少要承受處理周遭人對我們的“過份“關愛
不外乎是
"你要放輕鬆, 壓力太大了!"
"去領養一個就會生了啦~好多人都這樣啦!"
大家其實也只是關心
我了解
也盡可能是是是…的微笑以對
殊不知有些關心反而是幫了倒忙讓我更難過
經常旁人提出建議關心時
常不自覺得認為我和果爸一定是哪兒出了問題
於是很熱心的對我們的生活習慣內容加以抽絲剝繭式的指導
好似我們食衣住行吃穿睡用沒一個搞對的
我們長到這麼大所累積的智慧判斷與自理能力
頓時間被迫要自慚形穢
只因我們生不出孩子來佐證
唉~
其實我心中只願我們身邊的人只要能 listen to us, support us, be there for us and accept who we are without judgments
這些不也就是一般人對朋友的願景嗎?

最近遇到一位真的熱心過頭的朋友
一位在無意間密集交往的像大姊頭的一位媽媽
在一個早上突然打了一通兩個多小時的電話來
意圖教導我該如何過充實的生活如何脫離幼稚來準備做媽媽如何行善...等等人生大道理
她的一句關鍵性指教:"你根本就是怎樣xxxx怎樣, 沒準備好, 難怪才會生不出來!"
刺傷我之深筆墨難言
我心理上完全沒有準備這樣一位其實識我並不深的朋友
會如此的越界在我最痛的傷口上灑下一把重重的鹽
我向他表示我感到被傷害而且這是我的隱私時
他並沒有back off反而更加咄咄逼人
掛掉電話後我一直莫名發抖
情緒很混亂

這位朋友在事後態度明顯轉變
轉而好似是我哪裡冒犯他一樣
唉~我這位正宗受害者真是情何以堪
如同二度傷害
第一次碰到這樣子的人
說實在的
我真的不會應付

大家都是成年人了
不能給彼此一點空間以禮相待嗎?
不能尊重一下我和果爸的選擇與決策的過程嗎?
這樣形同是侵略式干涉的幫助與粗躁的言語用詞
我選擇不接受就是不受教嗎?
唉

仔細思量這件不愉快的意外
誘因很多
像是文化的差異衝突
例如: "你家事就是眾人事"的文化,
或是"說你不好才是愛你關心你"的負面型情感表達文化,
還有"貶低別人來凸顯自我"的增加自信心的負向操作手法(又叫: 見不得人好)等等
這些文化習慣發揮得當時, 都是成就美德的人情味
發揮過頭時就成了論斷批評 , 扼殺自信與自尊亦讓社會瀰漫苛薄尖酸攻訐的負面風氣
這位大姊人物朋友的行動不過也就是落入這些文化習慣中
無奈我實在不能適應也不認同
也不知怎麼向這位朋友解釋我們之間確有文化差異
很難
撇開文化差異外
我最想對這位惱羞成怒的朋友說的其實是
女人難為
女人何苦為難女人呢?
每個女人不論老小, 已婚, 單身, 有孩子, 沒孩子, 老公孩子成不成才…等等
在美麗光鮮的外表下
都有一份苦悶憂愁鎖在心頭
你我心裡都有煩惱
為何不能彼此給個體諒支持的微笑
而要彼此為難在對方痛處上灑鹽呢?
為何要在文化習慣下無知的扮演加害者的角色
讓其他女人更加被腹受敵呢?
每個女人都很辛苦
也都具有個別獨特的寶貴價值
不要因為我不孕
就把我整個人所言所行一舉一動全盤否定
也不要狹隘斷定我不具有如何做個好媽媽的知識能力與慾望
我知道我和果爸準備好了
只是機會還未到罷了
每個人的作人處事原則選擇都不一樣
這也是世界美麗多元的原因
你要每個人都照你的話過活
那不是很呆板無趣嗎?
我尊重你
所以也請尊重我好嗎?
這樣為難另一位女人
而且還不懂道歉的禮數
唉
到底是誰比較不懂事呢?

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